"Into The Unknown..."

Ok... so I went to my first therapy session yesterday.
I can see I'll now be a regular traveler into the wide unknown expanse that is my whacked out mind. My therapist is a really cool woman named Linda, who's around sixty-something, and kinda reminds me a Hell of a lot of my dead sponsor/mentor Walter. In the short time we spent together, we covered a lot of ground, and she seems to also be like Wally in the way that she seems to want to champion my every cause, and question. She was on the phone with people trying to find a medicine for a rash I got as a by-product of my Hep C, and even went into my past experiences of being molested as a child, my grief over my mom dying, and my girlfriend leaving me.
I like her already.
This is strangely exciting territory for me...
like going into a spookhouse.
I can see it's gonna be fun and rewarding.

I also just got back from my dentist a bit ago...

I GOT NEW TEETH!!!

It's also... a new and bizarre experience!
Immediately I went out and bought all dat crap ya need for 'em...
Polident, Fix-O-dent, a denture brush...
the hardest thing to find is one of them there denture cups tho.
Hadda go to 3 stores to find one.
The dentist put like four ounces of Fix-O-dent on 'em, and when I got home... practically needed a jackhammer to pry 'em loose.
He told me it's gonna be a bit weird at first, and that eating, talking, etc. is gonna take practice... but eventually...I'd get used to it.
I hope so...
Cuz I just ate a Blimpie sub sandwich a little while ago...
and it was like an out-of-body experience.
I also now talk like I got my tongue slammed in a car door...
and I have a new lisp.

But I look ... DAZZLING!!!

This is how I look with my new teeth...



This is without...



Handsome devil... ain't I...???

So... all this stuff is gonna take adjusting to... but I'll do it.

Gotta pack in a bit... going down to Georgia on Saturday.
I'm sooped!
I get to go bye-byes on a plane!
Dunno when I'm coming back...
prolly in about 2 weeks.
(or whenever I get bored with rednecks... whichever comes first.)

So... wish me luck!
"Rednecks, New Teefh, and Psychologists... Oh My!"

"Summer's End..."

"It turned colder, that’s where it ends – so I told her we’d still be friends...
then we made our true love vow – wonder what she‘s doin‘ now
summer dreams ripped at the seams, but oh...
those summer nights..."
Summer Nights - Grease
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So OK... I've been getting lax around here with the updates, and more concerned with pining over loves lost.

Sue me.

My daughter, her boyfriend & I had my mom down to a lil broken down, rinky dink Jersey shoretown last weekend.
She always loved this place, and used to rent bungalows for us when I was small during the summers.
She always said she wanted to have her ashes spread under one of the weeping willow trees down there in Keansburg.
I'm just afraid she won't make it till next summer...
so took her to see it one last time.
We ate boardwalk food, played games of chance, and I took her in one of the old local taverns that she used to be friends with the owners of...
and they were still there & remembered her.
We also took her to the spot where her father (my grandfather)
built a cabin many years ago.
She was in her glory.
Mom had a good time.

I'm in a good, yet melancholy, angry, tired, lonely, happy, poignant & reflective kinda mood.
Scuze me...

Speaking of shoretowns...
As I got off my train tonite, and saw a crapload of out of town yuppie larva "whooping it up" coming from the bars around here...
It reminded me of a thought I had recently.
Lemme get a tiny bit of something off my chest, that since all this craziness going on in my life... stands out in my mind right now again for some bizarre reason...

Down the Jersey shore, the locals call us northerners who come down there to vacation ...

"Bennies"

(No idea where they came up with such a goofy term)

We spend lots of money on overpriced summer rentals, over priced rides & attractions, shop there, and play on what's mostly...
the dirtiest & most polluted beaches on the east coast.
(For which they charge you a good buck to get onto. Most beaches from what I'm told in this country are free.)

So last time I was in the presence of my ex-beloved shore girl, we were going to a BBQ down there at one of her family's friends.
(On the day that my "Spidey-senses" kicked in full tilt bozo...
and I first began to get wise to her "less than honest" ways.
Always trust your gut guys...!)

It was in a tiny beach town...
with one road in & out to this July 4th shindig.
And so while stuck in a bit of expected holiday traffic, someone in the car who's extremely "opinionated" mumbles...
"Lousy Bennies...!"

Bennies...????

How 'bout...
Fuck You...!

During the much-needed-by-you, short 3 month summer season...
Who helps pay your taxes?
Who spends money to beat the band on your broken down, "summer vacation spots" that you've created to price gouge tourists, so you can put your bored & spoiled lil brats thru college, and so you can get fat... and vacation in Florida for the winter..?
And most Jersey shore residents are transplanted Northern Jersey white trash & New York yuppies anyway...
People who couldn't deal with sticking & staying up here to make the urban areas a better place to live in... and changing things here...
so instead fled to the Jersey shore in search of "Camelot"...
acting as if they're now somehow... "better than".
I know I'm ghetto white trash...
but I'm not gonna act differently because I moved and bought a picket fence.

And now... guess what?
You guys come up here, and steal away OUR urban jobs.
(I guess Jay & Silent Bob's strip mall isn't such a promising place to be "Clerks" in down there... huh...?)
And you've helped create real estate markets that have become harder & harder to deal with up here for working people.
And your spoiled & bored lil brats come up here to party in our bars & clubs, and puke & piss on our doorsteps, make noise in the middle of the night, and take away from what little valuable parking there is around here to begin with.
And your "spawn" also help contribute to doubling the normal load of urban drug traffic.
(Bored Lil Joey Beachboy hates the "suburban utopia" that mummy & daddie created for him, and can't buy crack in his town... so he helps perpetuate & double the drug flow up here...)

And you do this 24/7... 365 days a year!

So exactly... who's da frickin' "Bennie"...?

And they make our train stations, streets & roadways insane at rush hour, and our shopping districts like the 34th St./Macy's areas a nightmare on holidays...

Do WE complain...???

NO...!!!

We've actually created pathways out in the street, for more "tourist savvy" locals to walk around you cattle who come up here to work, shop & sightsee.
We add more buses and trains to get your fat, chunky, Olive Garden-eatin' asses up in dis piece.
We appreciate your business, and are proud that this is one of the finest citys in the world... and love to show it off!

This "Bennie comment" was from the same person who was once up here sightseeing near the Intrepid aircraft carrier/space museum, "showing off" this town to his relatives, as if he actually had a clue... and he actually had the sheer BALLS to state...
"I'd like to take one of those fighter planes over there, and run it down Broadway, and bomb this entire place... yuck, yuck, yuck...!
I have no use for this damn city...!"

Guess wut asshole...???
We ain't got no use for crap like you!
Stay home in your lil pink houses!

And so if you can't deal wit da heat of a little holiday traffic down by you...
build some new roads & bridges with the capital your making off of us "Bennies".
Leave a bit earlier, shop & rent your videos a day sooner...
or don't go out on a holiday!

Most tourists & out-of-towners are welcome up here...
But ignorant assholes like you can make this place better for all of us...
by staying outta MY town!

Bennies!

Also, as a side thought... those rubes down there gear up in wetsuits, and hop on stoopidly overpriced toys called "boogie-boards"...
and act as if they have some kinda "surfing skills".
Yeah... OK Cha-Cha...
Tell dat to Big Bruddah Mokanopokielokiewokie over there on Diamond Head, Hawaii...
and try to convince dem real surfers over there about your "badass skills"...
and how "big & hard" da waves are to "surf" down in Joisey.
Dere ain't no waves to speak of that require "surfing" on in Jersey nephew...!
Not unless 'yo ass iz in a storm!
Wut a joke!

Next summer I'll be vacationing up here in the northern mountain & lake areas thank you very much...
Fuck the Jersey shore!
Never liked da beach anyhoo...!
I'm allergic to sharks.
Next beach I sit on is gonna be in the Carribean...
wit a babe in one hand, and a virgin Pina Colada in the other...!

(end of rant...)

So my "agent" Morty, got me a job tonite teaching computer classes to a woman out by him. Made a wonderful new friend.
Nice lady.
And I made some much needed money for my much getaway to Georgia coming up.
Dat old bastard is right... having a few Benjamins in your wallet gives ya a lot better outlook on things!

I sound angry... but I'm not.
I'm actually kind of in an excited, anticipatory mood towards things coming down dat 'ol pike.
Therapists & healing, weight loss & excercise, new careers & new experiences, new friends and new loves...

A period to go into a "cocoon"...
and re-emerge a butterfly...!

"Eddie 2.0"...!!!

Watch out world...!
Watch out ladies...!!!

And I really have no hard feelings or ill will towards the south and it's residents.
(south jersey dat is...)

I've actually been flooded with beautiful, yet bittersweet memories on my train ride out to Morty's tonite...

College campuses & "kidknappings" to the big city.
Taking train rides to faraway towns just to have dinner & feed the ducks.
Exploring new & strange places arm in arm.
Crazy nights on beaches & backseats of cars.
Going to breakfast and having the waitress ask you if you want "the usual"...
Plans of weddings in railway stations, and notes left with the newstand guy...
to let your newly beloved know your waiting for her...

I've been blessed with some wonderful memories the past seasons...
for which I will always be eternally grateful...
Thank you my lil Jersey girl.

But things change.
The world turns again...
A clock unwinds...
A flower dies...
The heart beats yet another beat.

It's just a pity that sometimes summer has to come to an end so soon...

"Stand Back Up..."

Click forward button 5 times on music player to listen to music here:
http://www.themagician8.com/Home/home.htm

In memory of 911,
for all the victims of Hurricane Katrina,
and after all that I've been going thru... my own comfort & sanity.

Stand Back Up
Sugarland

Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
I'm only human but aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when I say...

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've have enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up.

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe...
But when the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just won't let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up...

I've weathered all these storms,
But I just turn them into wind, so I can fly...
If what don't kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
That's when I'll just give up.

So, go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you can't keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I dont feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up...