"Happy Birthday Momma...!"

Dear Momma,

Last year was a bad one Momma.
The worst I ever had.
More bad things happened to me last year than any one person could ever bear.
At times I just didn't know what I was gonna do.
Bein' very sick myself and abandoned by a lover made caring for you even that much harder. And watching you slowly become consumed by the lung cancer caused me more pain than anything else that I was going through.

Seeing you in SO much pain just tore me apart inside.

It made me sicker,
it filled me with sorrow,
it made me angry as it ate away at me,
and more than anything...
it left me feeling so very, very HELPLESS.

Because your cancer was at it's last stages, and nothing more could be done for you... the home hospice care people advised me to do nothing but to just stay with you and make you comfortable.

That night that you left me... when you went into that seizure.
I held onto you tightly as you looked up into my eyes and said,
"Eddie.... please help me..."

And all I could do was to cradle you and stroke your head,
distressed and knowing you were leaving me.

That memory will haunt me for the rest of my life.

And even though I knew it was best to just hold you as I let you go... I still felt an overwhelming sense of anxious fear & urgency.
I wanted to DO something,
to call someone,
to cry for help,
to scream out loud...
even though nothing could be done for you.
And I'm still tormented by a deep feelng like I need to somehow be forgiven by you.

At that moment I knew exactly what it was like for Superman,
in that old 70's movie...
when the earthquake killed Lois Lane.
And as he knelt there weeping, holding her in his arms, he knew...
despite ALL of his amazing powers... even HE was powerless.
There was nothing he could do.

A part of me went away with you that day Momma.
But an even bigger part stayed.

The part that is YOU Momma.

Through your simple ways,
the one thing that you taught & blessed me with,
is that part of you that is all of your strength, wisdom and grace.
The part of you that I carry deep inside me,
that saw me thru all of that pain & sorrow.

You bestowed upon me powers greater than Superman's.
He was a fictional character who was an alien from another planet.
You gave me by your example,
the greatest gift that I have Momma...
you taught me how to be... HUMAN.

And now, even though your gone for a year...
I see your echoes everywhere.

I see you whenever I'm thrilled with something that I know you would've liked.
I see you whenever I look at my daughters,
whom you helped me care for and raise.
I see you whenever I look at my granddaughter, lil Kadee.
And I see your eyes more & more now Momma...
whenever I look at my own aging eyes in the mirror.

And even though these old eyes of mine are crying right now Momma,
they're no longer tears from pain & sorrow.
They're tears of joy, knowing that your no longer suffering,
that I had you to watch over me for 48 years...
and that your in a better place.
My tears are a celebration of your beautiful life,
knowing that you've done a wonderful job while you were here taking care of me and the girls.

So today on your birthday Momma...
I just want you to know that we send you our love and thank you Ma.
And your never far from our thoughts.
The girls are doing good, and you'd be proud of them.
And me... I'm doin' alright too.
I've gotten better, and I've fallen in love again.
[I think you'd like this one Momma. She's a nut just like your son.]
And my life just keeps getting more & more exciting & adventurous.

Thank you so very much Momma, for everything you've taught me and for my wonderful life.
Happy Birthday!

I'm sleepy right now Ma.
Gonna lay down to take a nap.
Come visit me in my dreams...
I like it when you do that.

Till I see you again...
I Love You Momma.

eddie

"There Are Places I'll Remember..."

A few months ago, I rediscovered a very old, near & dear friend.
Way back in the seventies, while going thru high school, and trying to become a budding new magician...
I met a girl who left an indelible fingerprint upon my soul.

Unfortunately at the time, she was my high school girlfriend's best friend, going out with someone herself.
She was also one of my assistants back when I was performing as "Candini & The Illusionettes".
Whenever we spoke to each other at any length back then,
we connected in a most magical way.
Our eyes always seemed to lock and twinkle.
And it was as if you could see an arch of electricity like a Tesla's coil shoot from our heads and briefly dance together above in midair.
But at the time, nothing happened, because in the litle circle of friends & couples that gathered together on weekends at my apartment, she had he... and I had her...
and anything else would've been unthinkable at the time.

So we just managed to all remain friends, knocking about and having our little seventies, hippie wine and reefer parties, listening to music, envisioning our futures, and dreaming of days to come.

More years passed, and we all went our separate ways, leading separates lives, and trudged on thru this amazing journey of ours called Life.

And as I mentioned before... Life just has these little ways of bringing you "surprises" sometimes... wonderfully crazy, unexpected, exciting and joyful little... GIFTS.

Now... 30 something years later... MY gift is...
Melody.





Awhile back I found her on a website called Classmates that finds old school chums.
I sent her an email, she replied, but didn't seem too interested in communicating with an old "ghost from her past".
She was involved with someone, and so was I at that time.
So we again kinda lost each other for awhile again.

Then some months back I found her again on Myspace.
I sent her a few emails, and got kind of a similar responses at first...
brief replies, again with seemingly little interest.
But then after awhile and out of the blue...
she wrote back to me at quite some length!
She confessed to me exactly how she had always felt about me.
And we both ended up sharing the fact that we always had a mutual "crush" on each other for years.

We emailed each other back and forth for a bit,
then ever so cautiously...
ventured into trying a now ancient form of technology...
the telephone.
[imagine dat...!]

I've managed to burn out my cordless phone battery every single night since...
switching to my cell, then burning that out only to switch back to my cordless again sometimes!

The small but unfortunate "glitch" in this whole adventure is...
she lives in Oklahoma!
And I live in Georgia now.

So a bit ago, I took a trip out there to be with her.
And I just haven't been the same since.

The trip getting there to be with her... was one from Hell.
Two days previous, a tornado barreled down thru her town only a few streets away.
It is... "Tornado Alley" yanno...?
Weather had been completely "full tilt Bozo" that week.
My flight had a layover in Dallas. And it was postponed for 3 hrs due to "extreme weather conditions".
I had worked the whole night before from 10pm to 6am, and had already been awake for 24 hrs. Once on the plane, I crashed and fell into a drooling deep coma for a little bit.
I awoke 3 hrs. later, not having taken off yet, and to the captain's voice saying that...
"What we're trying to fix that prevented us from taking off in the first place, might just be finished after a bit more testing.".
But he also mentioned that weather in Dallas just wasn't conducive to us landing there, and we would now have to land in Shreveport, Louisiana.

AND, once we got there, due to FAA standards and his being awake since 4am...
he wouldn't be able to fly anymore!
AND, that there were...
NO MORE FLIGHTS TO OKLAHOMA CITY LEAVING THAT NIGHT!!
AND... quite possibly not any more flights there till Monday...
3 DAYS LATER!!!!!!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!!!"

This was totally wrong & unacceptable on SO many levels,
and I didn't relish the idea of being up now for 35 hrs. and having to get my much needed sleep on da floor of some airport,
in "West Timbukthree, Looozeeana"...
and missing out on finally being with and sleeping with my baby!
You think the Postmen have a creed...?
Frickin' thunderstorms, tornados, floods, tsunamis... not nuffin' would've stopped me from getting there that night!
It wuz like I wuz in fuckin' FEDEX mode...
"Guaranteed Overnight Delivery!"

So I immediately called American Airlines and...
"freaked out on they monkey asses".
I told them that I,
"just hafta be in Oklahoma City tonight cuz I'm getting married this weekend!"
A very nice man took my cellphone number, said,
"Lemme see what I can come up with."
and he later called me with glorious news...

A flight leaving on DELTA directly to Oklahoma city was leaving later that night at 9:30, and because of this wonderful man...
I now had a ticket all booked on it waitng for me!

So I went over to Delta to anxiously scoff up my reserved ticket to Neverland, sat down to some much needed Sesame Chicken at an airport Chinese joint, and narfed it down while waiting for my later flight.

I arrived in Oklahoma City around 10:30 feeling completely knackered.
I was originally going to do the 15 hr. drive out there, but figured I would give "The White Shadow", my old jaloopy a break...
and that flying would be a lot quicker,
leaving me more time with my honey.
HA!
Double "HA!" I say!
Apparently not.

"Where is she... where IS she...?"
I moved thru the crowd, and searched all the faces for my darling... but din't see her!
"Phooeyboo!"
"Did she get tired of waiting and go home...!?!"
<"sniffles!">

And then all of a sudden,
I felt something pressed tightly against my chest...
my sweetheart... Melody!!!
She just... "appeared",
out of nowhere... with her arms around me!
It was like a magic trick.

A few minutes later, we were entwined...
our lips were locked on the moving sidewalk in the airport.
And no matter how convincingly,
you couldn't prove to me for a second,
that I wasn't for that frozen moment in time...
floating on air!

[Melody has a scrumtiously delicious & talented set of lips & mouth that would make a Cirque du Soleil acrobat jealous!
'Scuze me a sec, while I just stop a minute and go dump my glass of ice water down my shorts just thinking about it...]

<"pitter-patter...pitter-patter...!">

My luggage didn't arrive until the next day, but who cared?
"Stuff... I don' neeed no steenkeeng STUFF...!"
I had ALL that I ever needed & wanted to survive for my stay there...
my sweetheart.

The rest of my visit went great, and she introduced me to what soon will be my new home.
Although we spent a lot of time in her bedroom trying to figure out new kamasutraesque techniques...
we DID manage to get out every now and then.
Taking walks just holding hands and pididdling thru the art district of OKlahoma City, "The Passeo", having dinner in little Mexican joints, and visiting the Oklahoma Bombing Memorial.
For this post 911 New Yorker...
it was a solemn and sympathetically moving experience.
But also very beautiful, tranquil and serene.

My trip to Oklahoma makes me want to break out in a few showtune choruses from the play...
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOk---lahoma, where the wind comes whippin' down the plain...!"

Having to leave her there and get on da plane...
well that was a completely different story.
A painfully quiet car ride back to the airport,
as the minutes counted down to my flight back.
It was damn near devastating to me, as I welled up,
and then beamed, got teary, and then smiled from ear to ear
again all during the flight home.
It still has me all discomblubberated.

I'm now constantly in pain.
My mind wanders,
I can't think straight,
my knees get weak,
I get a constant condition of butterflies in my stomach
whenever I merely picture her.
[Not to mention that "mah loins are boinin' for her".]
I have this constant craving that's creating an empty void,
one that nothing seems to fill... but her.

I looked the symptoms up for this illness on WebMD on the internet.
And the best that I can come up with is...

I've come down with a bad case of being madly in Love.

And nothing... not no medicine, not no prescription,
or over the counter remedy...
is ever gonna fix this problem.
Nothing short of having my lil schmoopie back in my arms.

So now, we spend all our hours on da phone longing for each other,
and planning out our future.

She works for her church, takes care of a garden for a wealthy woman, and is the manager of the custom framing dept. in a Hobby Lobby.

Walking thru the art district we noticed that amongst the galleries and shops...
there were NO custom framing stores.
And I also have been wanting & planning to get some of my own artwork & photos matted & framed to sell here at a local flea market.
And she and I both have TONS of ideas for other types of little artsy-craftsy pieces to sell.
So we are thinking about maybe getting a small business loan, and opening an art gallery/curio/framing shop in The Passeo artist's area in Oklahoma City.
We're spending time talking about how wonderful it is to be 48,
[we're the same age.]
and how working in our own place, growing old together,
and enjoying our life like the rest of the old Hippie/Bohemians weirdo couples there would be a dream come true.
Yeah... we're one of THEM couples.
Artistic, Bohemian, whacky, Magician, Moon Goddess, Pagan, Wiccan...
yep... Nutjobs.
A match made in Heaven!

But for right now... we're just waiting to simply BE together again.
That's our initial focus.
We figure maybe by Summer.

Which though only a few short months away...
seems like an eternity.

We're so much alike it's just crazy.
We like the same things and we share the same views socially, politically and spiritually.
We share the same memories as well because of our close past and age.
And we're even starting to trace our "roots" together to maybe an even earlier time.
Cuz as it turns out, we lived in the same neighborhood as little kids, shared the same mutual friend, and quite possibly played together.
And she could've been at some of my early birthday bashes that my mom would hold for all the neighborhood kids in her tavern.

And mainly... we also both have "toys in the attic",
and are quite nutz as well.






Melody is exactly what her name represents...
a song in my heart!

Not to sound cliche... but she really DOES complete me.
It may all sound like we're a couple of wackaloons,
and if so... so be it.
But this new phatty bom batty love affair with each other
has both of us all mooly-gooly-wanna & diggidy-swizzled.

She is my soulmate who is ever so amazingly into all the same crazy, weird, esoteric, eccletic, bizzare and sublime and spiritually uplifting things that I am into.
She also has Pagan, Wiccan, and Universalist Unitarian beliefs and she seems to have put some sort of a spell on me...
or did I cast one on her...?
Magic is Magick... and I'm not one to quibble with the natural & cosmic powers that be.
And faeries and wee people seem to maybe have been pushing us closer together and creating delightful mischief and love in our lives.
All I know is dat she is my Moon Goddess,
and has sent this Magician's heart soaring.
She has taught my very soul to levitate.
Pretty figgedyfarking NEAT trick... huh...!?!



Rediscovering Melody was like finding the Holy Grail...

Only... the adventure is JUST begining...!