"Target, Tickets and Birthdays..."

Wow... keeping a blog, a website and a Myspace page updated
kinda gets a bit backlogged every now and then.
As usual, I started this entry on Thursday... and it's now Saturday.
So let's see, where to start and catch up...

Been working at Target for a bit now.
Not what I wanted, but for now... it's a job.
I work on the "POG Team". Which is an overnight team that sets up the signs, price tags, displays, and other components of the aisles, etc.
Hours can sometimes be a bit... bizarre.
I was originally hired to work 10pm to 6am.
But have been working from 4am to anywhere from 9:30 to 12:30pm.
Lately... 3am to 10am.

Target is certainly a strange place.
Kinda like working at a cross between Disneyworld...
and The Third Reich.
Everyone's just so GODDAMNED HAPPY!!!
"Fast, Fun & Friendly" is their motto.
They want you to practically accost people by running up and asking them...
"Can I help you find something?"...
with a huge shit eating grin.
All designed to suck dat last dollar outta the customer or "guest" as they call 'em.
They expect you to learn just about EVERYTHING about the store
and it's operations, how to do almost every job in the store
so you can rush to the register to ring up a "guest" should it be needed, etc.
They have morning "huddles' where they read off stuff from the main office, and give us reports on how much each department made for the week, proudly announce the new movies and CD's being sold,
and have a "recognition" session where everyone thanks
everyone else for being such fine & dandy co-workers and applauds.
"I'd like to recognize Joe for helping me stock 4000 pancake flippers!"
(which kinda turns into a "who can outdo the other match".)
Then at the end, when all is said and done... we all give a rousing "Team Clap On Three...!"

It's enough to make ya SICK.

All while attempting to rush & overwork you, paying you below average wages, and trying to fuck you out of as many hours as possible.
All with a frickin' friendly, warm and fuzzy big SMILE!

And what I wanna know is...
just who are these fucking people who show up at the store when it opens at 8am...?
I can see people in a rush on the way to work, etc.,
making a quick before work purchase...
But we got these "leisurely shoppers" at the buttcrack of da store opening, wanderin' around with a glazed look in there eyes like the Borg from Star Trek...
"Must consume...must consume...must consume..."
I don't think I've ever set foot in a frickin' department store before 12 noon in my life, let alone being the first Godamned one in da store...!

It gives me the "willies' sometimes I tell ya...

It's all based on some college boy business models that though may look good on paper...
just don't woik in da REAL world.
First of all... dis is DA SOUTH. Things are much SLOWER down here.
On paper it may SAY it should take 2 hrs. to unload a truck or stock some shelves...
but dat just ain't a happenin' round here!
They got every single task "timed" down to the letter on how long it SHOULD take according to them.
They have demerits if you don't take your lunch on time, and a bazillion other various rules, regulations, measurements,
ways of doing things, factoids, and other stoopid crap.

When we setup the shelving and displays, da "boys" at da main office must either create it there and assemble it themselves,
or just kinda "imagine it happening" verbally or something.
Then make something called a "plan-o-gram" or "POG" for us to follow.
Like a diagram/schematic/blueprint kinda thing.
Which most of the time... never works because of logistics, bad assembly and wear & tear on the displays and shelves or... "gondolas".
They have SO many abbreviations and a specialized lingo all their own that your also expected to know as soon as possible.
And even have a whole frickin' DICTIONARY in the back of the "Employee Handbook"!
It's a whole "system" way too involved to describe here.
A system kinda based on the old "Sam Walton/Wal-mart" model.
By making your employees feel all warm and fuzzy by calling them "Associates", "Team Members"... or "Family"...
all while trying to screw you out of a decent wage or GOOD set of benefits, and he always let his "Family" know just how exactly EXPENDABLE they were.

I call it... "TARGET NATION".

Because their ACTUAL "goal" is to be...
"The best department store on... the PLANET!"

<"TO TAKE OVER THE WHOLE WORLD'S DEPARTMENT STORE NEEDS! AND IN THE FUTURE... MAYBE EVEN...THE GALAXY'S!!!">

Kinda like some kooky inbred strain of offspring,
born of Stepford Wife Nazi's who mated with Scientologists.

Like I said tho, for now... IT'S A JOB.

But I DO actually like the work, get employee discounts,
and know when there's gonna be "clearance" before the public.
(I'm a clearance junkie... I just bought a great new pair of name brand sneakers for $4.79...woo-hoo!)
"Must consume...must consume...must consume..."

And I get the old employee discount on THAT as well.

The job IS kinda fun and interesting for now,
and the time fly's by quickly.
The hours are REALLY cool for me.
(most of the time, depending how much sleep I get.)
I get OFF work while most people are GOING to work,
and have pretty much the whole day for myself.
And it's literally like 8 minutes from my house.
I could practically fall outta bed and be there on time.

Well, almost...

The other day they switched our hours from going in at 4am...
to going in at 3am.
(Jeezuz... I now know what early morning TV news guys feel like...)
I went to sleep kinda late, but set my alarm for 2 am to wake up.
I heard the alarm, hit da snooze button,
found myself hitting it for a third time,
then decided..."Lemme get up...".
I checked my phone clock and realized...

IT WAS 3:04!!!

"DOY!!!"
I shoulda BEEN there already!

So I got dressed really fast without fixing lunch or COFFEE...
("GOD!")
and headed out the door.
I jumped in to the trusty 'ol "White Shadow", went down the road,
turned onto the road/highway that Target is on, then barreled up the hill till it leveled out and slowed down...
Only to find a COP parked there!

(Shades of "Smokey and The Bandit"...!!!)

I shot down the street at a now much reduced speed
and got about 2-3 blocks further before he decided to follow me.
Finally as I went to turn into Target's lot... he kicked on the lights, and pulled me over in the lot.
Long story even longer... I walked away with 2 tickets dat morning.
One for speeding, and the other for having an expired registration sticker.
I registered the car like the 2nd week in October when I bought it.
The yearly registration cycle starts on your birthday month here.
Mine is November. So I basically paid the whole fee to have my car registered for only a couple a weeks.

I could maybe moan about it all... but why bother...?

"Boss Hog" had me dead to rights, I shouldn'ta oughta been speeding.
(Did *I* just say that? Hangin' out down Soufh here too long...)
And I shoulda got my shit together after it expired.
We were actually grinning and laughing as he handed me my due.
Kinda like...
"Caugh ya!"
"Yeah I know... you DOG You...!"

And the CLINCHER is...
When I got to the employee parking spots, ALL of my co-workers...
including my boss were sitting in their parked cars watching it all!!!
Apparently there was no one there to let them all in at 3am...!
So we all had to sit there and wait till 4 o'clock till they opened the doors anyway!!!
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

I was their "morning's entertainment", and when I went in the back stockroom to find a guy for some stuff, I said,
"Hi... you Adrian?
And he said...
"Yeah... your Eddie right? The guy who got pulled over this morning in the parking lot, huh? News travels fast around here son."

And so I now go by the nickname of "Speed Racer" at work.

So, for the next month... I'll be working for the state of Gee-OH-gia
to pay off my tickets.
And dat shiny new driving record I came down here with from Joisey...
now has a blemish on it for awhile.
(never had a speeding ticket or points on my license before.)
Oh well... wuddaya gonna do...yanno...?

The other BIG news around here are that we had a big birthday bash a week or so ago for my granddaughter Kadee.
It's was really actually her true birthday yesterday Feb.9th...
but her mom Kelly was sent over to the desert for the next couple a months...
so we had an early celebration.
We had a house full 'o people, with wall-to-wall babies and toddlers.
Kelly did a great job puttin git all together, and we even had a Chocolate fountain, with lil pieces of strawberries, banans, apples,
and poundcake cubes to dunk in the warm chocolate!
( I was a "regular" at da 'ol fountain thingy that day...)
Pix are on a link on my MySpace page. Click the link on the top left of this page to go to MySpace to find them.

So right now it's "Two Men and a Baby" around here.
We had the little monkey to the doctors tonite, cuz she started daycare while Kelly's away, and got some kinda "daycare/school bug" flu & ear infection.
I told DJ my son-in-law that one of us should wear a shirt when we go out together with the baby that says something to the effect of...
"NO... were NOT a gay couple! He's the Dad, and I'm da Pappy!"

Not that I truly care really... tho he may be a bit fomahobic...
I dunno.

All three of us miss Kelly terribly, and hope for a fast tour of duty over there, and can't wait to see her here home again safe.
Love & miss you baby!

Went on a Sunday "expedition" last weekend and ventured a little farther out to a town around here called Hawkinsville for a photoshoot.
Wow!
Looks like it hasn't changed since the 50's.
I wandered into the poorer, black section of town and was STUNNED at just how poor the conditions are there.
People literally livin' in SHACKS.
Makes the burnt out buildings of the old South Bronx
look like a condo village.
Woulda gotten outta the car to take a few shots, but didn't wanna be some insulting honky, takin' pictures of their plight.
It's a shame that in this country of such wealth and opportunity...
that people have to live in such conditions of poverty.
My heart goes out to them, poverty SUCKS...big time!
Been there, done dat myself... still ain't livin' large.
But despite seeing that, it was a nice day out alone by myself.
I enjoy taking solo trips into oblivion.

I also got an email from a great gal I met on the flight back from Vegas.
She has a jewelry business, and may be interested in having me do a website for her.
Cool!
A new project!

So basically datz about it for now.
I put up some new music on my MySpace jukebox for anyone who cares to enjoy 'em.
Just hit da lil arrows next to the spindles on the tape player
to advance to a new tune.
Got a few things to do around here, then I'm gettin' dressed,
jumpin' in "Da White Shadow", gassin' up...
and goin' out on another adventure to explore a bit more.

Happy Birthday Karen!
Love you!

R.I.P. Anna Nicole.
You were one whacky broad...
but you were also very easy on da eyes, fun to watch...
and a very LOST soul.
I KNOW the feeling.
Hope you somehow now find the love you were missing.